Message To My Dad:

At a period when I need you most, you aren’t there. In the stands cheering, not anywhere. I often thought it wasn’t fair. But lately, I’ve noticed, I just don’t care.
You’re phone lines are disconnected. I tried to call. You’re nowhere to be found at all. Four real lucky stiffs get to have you be the Dad you never were for me. But that’s ok. I’ve changed my mind. I need a Dad who’s present, loving, kind… Along life’s path, I picked up snapshots of better Dads that I could find and built one even if only in my head.
To you it’s done, a “job” to you. On this Father’s Day, that statement’s true.

Good Times & Bad

So Carlos is back in the hospital, but it doesn’t matter because I know he’ll be alright and that we’re definitely FOR KEEPS.  What other couple would go through the crap we’ve gone through and come out on the other side seemingly unscathed?  We’re friggin’ AWESOME.  I know for sure that this is love and that I’m all in…despite everything.  Crazy, loving, psycho, exhausting us.  Forever.  That is, until we disconnect only to reconnect in the next life.  Bound.  Edward and Bella, Jacob and Renesmee.  Always.  I never thought I’d be here again.  But it seems that he loves me, warts and all.  I guess that this is what love is.  It is the ability to find that person; seek them out in a crowd even when you’re pissed and going crazy.  Love isn’t pretty at all.  It isn’t like what the storybooks say.  It’s definitely an irrational feeling that connects you to someone even when you feel like you can’t handle any more hurdles.  Truth is, you can.  Truth is, you will.   No matter how you feel, look or sound.  It’s that feeling like you’ll go to the ends of the earth for the person.  And I do.  And I will.  Forever.  For always.  I love you, Carlos.  I’m butt-crazy in love with you.  I just didn’t even know it.  Now, I do.  Surprise, surprise.  And, oh yeah…DUH.

My Latest Obsession

Did I mention my latest obsession with Twilight? The reason I know is that I’m making these:

Now, I’ve joined Twilight.org and am considering a trip to Italy.  Help me from myself, people.  But since I am on the subject, I want to throw some insight on what I think most 30-somethings are getting from the novels.

1. Fantasy - Fans seem to like the idea that Edward’s a vamp and Jacob’s a werewolf.  That’s pretty much the same audience that gravitates to this sort of phenom in the first place.  We like the voluntary suspension of disbelief. 
2. Someone To Watch Over Me – Faith in intangible figures that serve as guardians; protectorates of  humankind interest people.  Whether these have religious affiliations (angels) or non-doctrine ones (aliens), the notion of being cared for by otherworldly beings–that have mysterious gifts and special abilities–is intriguing.
3. Love & Romance – I can attest that I originally hated the Twilight books because I kept thinking that it was way too romance novel-ish for me.  Then lines like these happened:

But I’m not.  There’s something wrong with me.  I don’t have the ability to pass on the gene, apparently, despite my stellar bloodlines.  So I become a freak–the girlie-wolf–good for nothing else.  I’m a genetic dead-end and we both know it.

Tell me that isn’t the most heartbreaking thing you’ve ever read.  Being barren and not wanting to be.  Ugh.  Tortured me to no end.  That’s just to name a few.  I’m sure I’ll come up with more.

What You Already Know

Adam Lambert should’ve totally won American Idol.  I don’t recall his competitor’s full name…Kris somebody?? Anyhow, we’re not going to be sad about this because we all know that Adam couldn’t have won.  Historically, the losers on the program actually turned out to be the winners, remember? Just think: Troy Aiken, Reuben Studdard, Katherine McFee??  All of these folks managed to hit it big thanks to the exposure and plain ole talent.

So don’t cry for Adam, ok?  Tomorrow morning, he’ll have his pick of recording contracts all of which he could turn down to make millions on the Vegas circuit or to build his career on Broadway in the re-re-remake of Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat (or, maybe Jesus Christ Superstar).  The guy’s got talent and doesn’t look like Susan Boyle.  In truth, maybe Susan should start wearing Adam’s eyeliner to gussy up a bit…Aw, too soon??

Messages From Beyond The Grave

In October, I had opened an email with some orange butterflies in the content.

I know that it was Yvette.

I miss you. 

Cute Boys (Part Deux)

Is there ever a time when a crush can become annoying?  Can cute boys disappoint?  I know that the answer is yes.  Still, cute boy watching is a fun sport and should be treated with a level of respect and kindness.  I don’t think that it is limited by age, type, or status.  Cute boys exist and we, as women, sometimes require cute boy attention or at the very least should partake in the fascination of cute boyishness. 

Similar to a man’s need to be coddled by buxom blondes, cute boys are an essential part of a woman’s life.  Harmless flirtation and the occasional come-hither glance can help enhance a woman’s playfulness say, or renew her own self-interests.  Boy attention somehow makes a woman feel good.  That’s not to fly in the face of women’s liberation or anything.  On the contrary.  When did it become bad to receive a compliment or a whistle from a union worker?  A little attention never hurt anybody.  No one’s saying that a woman requires male attention to succeed.  What I’m saying is that a friendly boyish glance is part of the fun of being a girl.  Like buying lip gloss. And despite what women say, knowing that you are still attractive to the opposite sex is a reward in itself.  Sorry, Gloria Steinham.

For example, look at this hunk.  Although it is hard to believe, for sure after awhile even he–yes he–would get on your nerves.  Trust me, ladies. [Photo by Google Images]

In truth, the beauty is the fantasy.  The one in which every moment is scripted and he swears his undying love for you all while holding your purse as you try on a new outfit in the dressing room.  He may, if you feel so inclined, write poetry to you all while holding your margarita on Cinco de Mayo.  He speaks only sweet nothings into your ear as an ego boost and shuts up when you’re talking to your best friend on the phone.  Ah, a boy-toy in a box wrapped up in a little bow. Sweet.

In reality though, cute boys often know that they are cute.  They are generally not the brightest bulbs.  They have lousy friends who can be of the “deadbeat” persuasion and can sometimes smell from B.O. (Cute boy stink aside of course)  Sometimes, because they are intolerably adorable, they may wear the same clothes over and over and forget to brush their teeth.  Sometimes they test the waters hoping that their sheer magnetism is enough for most people to overlook their foibles.  They may even be cute-boy lazy or cute-boy crazy.  Either way, cute boys can try to get away with more stuff than the average ugly loser.

Here are a few triggers that should send girls packing (no matter how cute the boy is):

1. Mama’s Boys – No matter how cute the guy is, when compared with his love for his mom, you’ll always lose.
2. Sports Freaks – Aside from the occasional Super Bowl event or World Series, cute boys that are easily distracted by watching a game cannot spend too much time on paying you compliments. 
3. Workaholics – Let’s face it, anytime away from his attention to you is not worth it.  If work is his obsession, then how can you be?
4. Single, White Freak Show – If your cute boy should be wearing a straightjacket and living in a padded cell, then odds are you shouldn’t be wasting your time with him.
5. That’s not Eyeliner! – Black eyes are not the rage and aren’t a cute boy accessory.  If liking a boy sends you to the hospital ward, then you should run–not walk–to the nearest exit.
6. A Rose By Any Other Name - Cute boys should smell like teen spirit and Axe body spray.  They shouldn’t assault you with body odor.

I’m sure I’ll think of more in another post.  Until then, go ahead and wink at that cute guy behind the counter.  No harm, no foul.

What Cute Boys Do That Drives Girls (and Women) Crazy

Since lately, I am Twilight obsessed, I am using Robert Pattinson, star of the Twilight movies as an example of what cute boys do.  He’s an excellent example because his recent popularity proves my point that most of what he does is based on fantasy and wild erotic girlie imaginations gone awry.  When left to their own devices, women / girls have a tendency to infer relationships based on these specific non-verbal signals which cute boys utilize.  But it goes to show that when thrust into a feeding frenzy such as this phenom, much like the Harry Potter series has been to pre-adolescents everywhere (and adults like myself I might add) what women are buying into can be dangerous if they are being misled or believing the fantasy over the reality.

Forget what you’ve been taught browsing magazines while standing in line at the supermarket.  Gorgeous guys know they’re gorgeous.  They’ve been told countless times by fat, tall, geeky, adorable, sexy, fugly women everywhere.  Most likely, they’ve been told this at birth even.  When their awkward stage of pre-adolescence is over (for some boys this stage may never even exist), it will be hammered into their brains enough that they will recognize–albeit not always consciously–the power behind beauty.  Let’s face it, cute guys can say and do pretty much whatever they want and very rarely will face consequences.  The worst that can happen is that they’ll leave a bevy of beauties in their wake until they either grow old or ugly–whichever comes first.

Let us analyze, the many nuances to cute boys. [Photos provided by Google Images]

Cute boys wear cute clothes.

Cute boys never comb their hair.

Cute boys run their fingers through their hair…a lot. 

Cute boys have mastered the art of wincing… 

smiling…

blushing…

Cute boys always look like they’re carrying the world on their shoulders while being completely approachable.

But besides the way they look, they often add other things to drive us crazy.  They speak low, display their drowsy bedroom-eye looks at you and spread their pheremone-induced colognes all over themselves.  It’s maddening to know the tactics that they use to ensnare women.

Beyond The Crush:

As long as a girl is aware that these overwhelming feelings of lust are temporary, then all is well.  It’s only dangerous when the cute boy is without a job or is a creepy predator.  Unfortunately, cute boys can be so convincing that one is caught in their cutesy web of deceit.  That’s when feelings get hurt and it stops becoming a game and more of a sad state of affairs that can lead to cute-boy obsessions and in some cases, cute boy abuse.  That’s never cool no matter how cute the boy is.

So enjoy the play, gals.  Remember that it’s awesome as far as ego-boosting and honing one’s coquesttish skills go.  Flirting is always a plus so long as you are fully aware that the crush is just that: a crush.  Make sure that in the end it isn’t you that ends up crushed.

Be safe, be romantic, but most of all, be loved.

Where The Hell Have I Been?

These days, I’m just not sure.  I’m somewhere between the here and the there.  All I know is that I’m spending a lot of time at home.  Oh, this doesn’t bother me at all.  There’s a benefit to being a hermit.  Here’s a few:

1. I get to sing in the shower and marvel at my American Idolesque level of greatness.  Since I’m my only audience, it’s a BIG ego boost.
2. I get full use of the cable and internet I’m paying for.
3. How else can I catch up to my Twilight gossip?
4. More time to continue writing the novel I’ve been working on for 3 years.
5. My opinions are the only ones that count!
6. Knotty hair, bare feet and underwear are the dress-code.
7. I’m an official tweeterer now.  (Is that even a word?)
8. My target weight gain is almost complete!
9. I’m a more attentive mommy to my dogs.
10. I have online “friends” now, mom! 

hee hee!

Guess Who’s Back??

I know you missed me. I know you did. I rather missed myself too. But trust me, I wasn’t away that long because I wanted to be. In fact, I was tortured to no end because my computer was misbehaving and my creative outlet had been all but shut down. UGH!  The worst was that I really had no way to communicate.  Yeah, work doesn’t accept any cool websites and I don’t own a laptop or any other device.  Since I was Jonesin’ for a blog fix, I took advantage of the only thing I did have available: texting on my pay-as-you-go phone.  That made life a little bit more bearable.

Unplugged:

I don’t think I really realized just how much we rely on online connectivity these days.  Every television commercial, every company, hell EVERYTHING refers you to website that all the cool kids are visiting.  I almost had forgotten to put pen to paper–something I swore I would never forget how to do.  But trust me, to tune in and get back on the ‘net is seriously the best thing in the world next to…uh…well, next to breathing.  There, I said it.  As a true die-hard, I was holding out because I do like the old way of doing things: writing out ones thoughts on pretty stationary, taking one’s time to describe a chapter in one’s life.  But who has the time?!

Where I’ve Been:

I have literally been going through hell.  My life after December 31st has completely changed.  First, I have more on my plate and I often hold myself akin to a running motor.  The big change occurred after two major events that affected my life: Carlos’ surgery and the death of my dog, Lady.  Although I am vainly attempting to remain postitive, it is difficult not to think that my family has run into a bit of bad luck.  I know I’m being paranoid.  I know that it could be worse.  But when I’m changing Carlos’ bandages an hour prior to walking the two dogs in the morning even before I’ve gotten out my outfit I plan to wear for the day, the word ‘hectic’ doesn’t come close. 

What Happened?

The reality is that Carlos’ right foot has been desecrated by diabetes.  The deformity that remains reminds me of a raw slab of pork meat at the butcher’s.  It isn’t pretty and it isn’t funny.  It’s sad and gross and I almost passed out when I first saw it.  It is a lot to take in.  But because of my love for him, I continue to be supportive despite his missing toes: four of them to be exact.  Coupled with his depression over the loss, his inability to control his blood sugars, and his mood swings, it can definitely be a lot to handle.  But love seems to be conquering all.  Good days and really, really bad days.

Then, Lady died.  I thought that I would be prepared for her passing.  Not the case.  I cried like a bawling idiot the day I had to lay her lifeless body in a box.  I was surprised at how small she seemed. 

Joke’s On Me:

Turns out that people are remarkably resilient.  I am often surprised at how quickly I adapted to the big changes in the house.  Since this has happened, I feel more confident that I can take on a lot and still manage to…*gasp* survive.  Amazing!  Despite the drawbacks, there is plenty to celebrate.  I still have a job in a troubling economy.  My computer is working again! Carlos, Jubillee, Bear and I are still breathing.  Life is good.

Go fig!

Who Can Say, “No” To This Face?

Jubilee has been a new addition to the family since Sara moved in.  Why?  Well, she’s technically Sara’s dog, but she may as well be mine.  She’s quite the cuddler as you’ll see here…

Oh sure, Lady was jealous in the beginning, but she’s managed to fit right into the family.  And Carlos, an avid dog lover like myself, loves to hang with the pets.  I guess it’s good to be King…

This is what love looks like.  That, or laziness.