I emailed the following list to my ‘best’ friend since the 7th grade. She’s Yugoslavian, although I’m not sure what that means politically now. I just don’t know enough about her country. Anyway, she was the person who always said that she’d never get married (Check!) and never have kids (Uh, she has TWO!) because [...]
Archive for February, 2007
The Tragic Comedy Which Is My Life
February 28, 2007The Kids In America: Or, How Life Is Not A Stridex Commercial
February 28, 2007This morning, I went about my daily routine. I stopped at one of my favorite morning delis to grab a large coffee and just as I was reaching the doorknob to head out, a large team of teenage boys practically ran me over to beat me to the door. I said, “It is customary to let the [...]
The Long Ride Home
February 28, 2007I decided to ride the bus home because my feet had already led me halfway there. I hadn’t expected to take the route through good old Jersey City and sometimes I talk myself out of it because it can have some rather unsavory characters in it. But every now and again I’m reminded of the [...]
Rehab – THE NEW BLACK!
February 21, 2007Alienated by your peers for calling someone the “N-Word”?
Confused by your parents with their “Rules”?
Hooked on Phonics?
Well, look no further ’cause we’ve got a solution for you….it’s called Rehab! That’s right. Rehab’s no longer for junkies or hookers anymore. Nosiree!
Diarrhea of the Mouth? Go to Rehab!
Ashamed of your Penis Size? Go to Rehab!
Post-pardum shaving of your [...]
Dream #1
February 18, 2007I’m on the roof of some high-rise building. I’m speaking to myself in voiceover format, talking about my relationship with my family (especially my grandparents in PR). We’re all eating and having a good time: myself, my cousin Janet, my mom, my sister. Suddenly, we hear a radio broadcasting the fact that a small-engine plane [...]
The Irrational Rationale & Why I Love My Crazy Mom:
February 18, 2007Whenever I did something wrong and my mom caught me, she’d ask: “Why would you do that, daughter, when I told you 50 million times not to?” Or, if she’d called you more than once and you didn’t answer she’d say: “Why didn’t you answer?! I called you 50 million times!” Or, if she’d had an [...]
Umm…Soapy….
February 8, 2007So the other night I had this dream that I was doing my laundry. I’m in this dank, dark basement and I keep grabbing these large bags filled with clothes and transferring them to those laundrymat canvas carts. But, I keep losing my laundry and I can’t track all of my articles of clothing which [...]
Bad Habits
February 8, 2007Picture this: a million degrees below zero and I’m shivering at the bus stop. I am standing next to a young girl about half my age (I can’t believe that I’m at an age that I can now say that) and two boys. Sipping my coffee, the two boys get a sudden urge to spit. [...]
At Home With The Dorks & Geeks
February 8, 2007I’m a nerd. It’s not like I need help or anything. I even like proclaiming my nerdiness and it’s getting easier and easier for more people to shout it from the rooftops, too. There is something so soothing about this warm computer screen glow, not to mention the countless types of brilliant websites, clever downloads, [...]
