One Outta Five Ain’t Bad

Leave it to my trusty sister and eternal sidekick, RoomWAView.  She managed to get me an assortment of teas! 

Thanks, sis!

Wish List

Generally, on Christmas Eve, I like to ponder all of the gifts I could / should / will be getting.  So just for giggles, I thought I’d share…and I know I still owe you a review of The Bucket List, but first thing’s first ok?  Here’s my top five:

1. Tea - I love teas.  I once got one of those large metal tins filled with assorted teas.  It is what got me started on the tea-licious obsession with strange and exotic teas (for all seasons). 
2. Lip Gloss - I have a love-affair with lip gloss.  When I was a kid, I even got in trouble with my Dad for fighting over a tube with my sister.  He got so mad, he threw it out the window.  The incident has now become legend.
3. Lara Croft Tomb Raider series video games - I mastered this character’s moves so well that there is nothing I can’t make Lara Croft do.
4. Resident Evil & Silent Hill series video games -  I love rpg (role-playing game) video games.  I also love to be scared.  These two games are particularly cool because they are both.  Sometimes the narratives are corny, “I hope this isn’t…Chris’s blood…” Duh, Duh, DUH! But they manage to surprise you with their first person perspective and tricky camera angles that creep the heck outta you. 
5. Ralph Lauren’s, Romance perfume - It’s like roaming in a dewey meadow in the moonlight just before the clock strikes 12…well, not really.  But it works with my body chemistry and keeps me smelling good even when I can’t smell its scent. 

Here’s wishing you a very Merry!

Spoilers Abound

So I caught the preview of both, “P.S., I Love You” and “The Bucket List”.  The experience was awesome and each were distinctively different.  Mainly, one sucked and the other didn’t.  But before I go on, I want to definitely reiterate that this post HAS SPOILERS…so if you want to drop the $10 to go see the movie yourself and you don’t want me to mess up the details, then you should READ NO FURTHER.  Now, for those of you interested in my take on the flicks, READ ON.  I promise to entertain you.

FIRST THING’S FIRST:

Let me start with the obvious issues.  Well, the title’s one.  Besides being the title, it is also a line in the film that gets repeated throughout the movie ad nauseum.  Ok.  We get it: P.S., he loves her. P.S., she loves him.  Then, there’s the sickening character names.  Holly (as in Golightly?) Kennedy (as in John?) and Gerry (as in Gerard Butler?) Kennedy (as in Robert?).  Right.  And surprise, surprise! Holly is a fan of old movies, including–you guessed it–Breakfast at Tiffany’s!  Wow!  What an eye-opener that was.  I’d of never guessed.

NOW THE OTHER HOLES IN THE SCRIPT:

P.S. Lisa Kudrow (as in Phoebe-from-Friends) was the comic relief. And yes, she was very Phoebe-like in this film.  Y’know, interrupting herself mid-sentence in that lovable but completely predictable way that she’s a master at already.

P.S. James Marsters (Spike from Buffy The Vampire Slayer) looks better as a blonde and should’ve been the obvious love-interest to Phoebe-from-Friends. He is completely downplayed and given next to no lines at all.  Not that he would sound any better delivering these trite lines without a British accent. Oh, Spike, where art thou?

P.S. Was Harry Connick, Jr. stoned? His pupils didn’t dilate throughout most of his scenes.  He was bland and his role in the film was completely confused.  I wasn’t sure if I should forgive his character for being mentally retarded or if I should empathize with him as he attempted to woo Holly.  Was he a pathetic doormat or a verile, serious love interest?  He ended up as neither and became a brother-figure instead (that she kissed once?).  I had no idea what the heck to make of this.

P.S. Does every man in Ireland look hot? If so, then I gotta travel there.   Jeffrey Dean Morgan plays Holly’s sexy one-night-stand (complete with a tasteful nude scene from the rear). Unfortunately, the movie decides to further convolude the plot by having this mystery man be an Irish friend of Gerry’s.  Ugh!  I told you this movie sucks.

P.S. Why don’t we see Gerry die?  They sort of skipped that part completely, so the viewer couldn’t really sympathize with Holly at all.  We never got to emotionally connected to either character enough to feel anything.  Holly’s memory montages are all we have to refer to in order to feel badly that one of the partners has died.  If you feel anything, it is the strong urge to flee the movie theater.

P.S. Are you supposed to love Gerry & Holly–as a couple–or hate them immensely?  The opening sequence has you…well, hate them.  There’s only so much “I-love-you-I-hate-you” whiny pillow-talk I could take!  The entire scene doesn’t even mesh with the following scene (after the opening credits run) where we automatically are thrust into a post-mortem melee about what a great guy  Gerry Kennedy was.  There was no preliminary scene to ease the viewer into the transition.  

P.S. Do we really need that many supporting characters? As a matter of fact, there are so many people in the ensemble cast that you can’t really sense Holly’s loneliness at all.  If she had wanted she could call any number of “friends” to cheer her up.

P.S. Whatcha got in the box, Holly? you ask.  My dead husband’s ashes, replies Holly.  Yeah, but why you gotta carry ‘em around everywhere you go? you inquire.  The better to annoy the audience with, explains Holly.  Do you really gotta set your candles on it? you question. Of course! cries Holly, How do you expect me to see in the dark? Does it really gotta be so big? you ask again. Of course! exclaims Holly, How else do you expect me to use it as a coffee table?

P.S. Don’t cut us off just as it’s getting good.  There are a few scenes that could’ve been elongated and others which should have made it to the cutting room floor. 

IT WASN’T ALL HORRIBLE:

Ok, there were a few saving graces.  There are two beautiful people on the screen that have some really wonderful chemistry and had the cameras rolled long enough and had the distractions been omitted, the audience would’ve been more captivated. Kathy Bates was in her prime.  Even though you sort of wonder about her strange hand in helping Gerry carry out his wishes after death, and even though you want someone to explain how she had Holly’s apartment keys to throw a ’surprise’ birthday party, she still makes you believe in her character.  A kinder, gentler Gina Gershon looked better (and plumper!) as Holly’s friend.  I am so glad that she played a supporting role as a non-threatening non-vixen.  She lit up the screen and was refreshing, given the script. And even though the movie seemed like a giant commercial to promote tourism to Ireland, the lush landscapes took your breath away. 

STAY TUNED:

Tomorrow…The Bucket List review…

CGI Killed The Cinema Star

Tonight I attended the Premiere of Will Smith’s new movie, “I Am Legend” in NYC’s Madison Square Garden.  I had the good fortune of acquiring these tickets through someone else’s kindness. 

Carlos & I arrived early and I am so glad that we did.  The theatre seats were limited and filling thisfast.  We ended up seated next to a rather chatty gentleman from Baltimore who kept on saying over and over, “Those people are so jealous of us!”, referring to our angular view of the right-hand side of the movie screen.  It was funny only the first four-hundred times he’d said it; then it got a bit annoying.  He had left an empty seat between us and him, using a complimentary popcorn box as a placeholder.  When he was asked if the empty seat was occupied, he kept saying it was for his wife (which we had just been informed wasn’t coming).  My neighbor also found this amusing–and I did too–only the first four-hundred times he’d said that.   We were just behind an equally friendly young couple who seemed to be awed at the prospect of seeing someone famous.  Ahead of them were a mis-matched Asian woman with a bearded white-haired man who wore a pair of glasses all while balancing another pair on his forehead (because he was that cool)…and yes, he did have a ponytail.  I know, I know: he was the epitome of mid-life crisis.  Anyhow, we all waited while people shuffled past, some modestly dressed and some decked out in their red-carpet finest.  I almost split my side over a bejeweled woman who complained to someone on the other end of a cell phone saying, “I’m in ‘General Admission’!  I can’t believe how far I am from the screen…”  After Carlos went back for complimentary seconds and thirds in free soda and popcorn, the house lights blinked on and off a few times and soon there were gasps and screams and flashbulbs going off.  I craned my neck to see if I could see anything (which of course I couldn’t).  Suddenly, someone yelled out, “Look!  It’s Tom Cruise!”  and again I stood up like a retard to catch only a whisper of Tom shaking hands, signing autographs, waving and smiling like it was his birthday.  People reported Katie Holmes somewhere around, but I couldn’t verify that at all.  The house lights turned off and on again once or twice and soon everyone–within eyeshot–yelled out, “Will!  Will!”  Sure enough, Will Smith stood a few feet away waving with a mike in his hand apologizing for being late to his own premiere.  It was entertaining to say the least.  The odd part about NYC is that people are so non-chalant about their celebrities.  They cheered but, in the same breath, complained about the movie not starting yet.  Mr. Smith recognized people’s impatience and quickly got to it but not before thanking the movie’s staff like he’d won an Academy Award or something.  He also threw a shot out to his wife, Jada Pinkett-Smith, who I never saw at all.  It was cool, but it really was time to watch the film.

Without issuing any spoilers, let me just say that the opening sequences and basic concept is great.  The graphics are realistic and frightening.  Unfortunately, the film misses the main theme and veers off so far from making a point that it almost seemed like the movie was just a giant commercial.  For some reason, the running time of the film seems short and just makes you feel like it’s unfinished altogether.  The ending is too simple and anticlimatic.  All of the nuances and subtleties behind in-depth arguments such as: modern epidemics, vampiric elements, learned behaviors, human adaptation,  the End-of-Days scenario are completely lost behind the sci-fi blue-screen.  The editors paid so much attention to the monsters in the movie that they forgot all about the storyline. 

Don’t Believe The Hype

Another major distraction in the movie is the product placement.  The daughter’s name matches the musical CD that Will’s character is listening to in the beginning: Bob Marley.  A segment in the film has Will’s character introduces another character to Bob Marley by playing a song off the CD as he adds some line about this being “the best CD ever made” or something to that effect.  They further the product by including Bob Marley’s principles and a brief quotable quote.  Some scene stealers are also the vehicles Will is driving (and crashing): from all-terrain to a sportscar that turns on a dime.  Theres a verbatim recitation of a scene from the movie, Shrek and Will’s character even adds, “I love Shrek.”  Gee, you didn’t have to be so damn obvious about that, did ya?!

 Either way, the film just falls short of what the ultimate goal is in the movies.  It’s not just to be entertaining.  It’s to be insightful, creative and have a basic commentary on a particular subject matter.  After having seen it, the movie-maker sacrificed a lot of that to accomodate a movie that perhaps was over-budget already, thanks to those lovely special effects.  But for the price of an admission ticket these days, there’s more that could’ve been done to avoid the trappings of Hollywood formulas and packaging.   The science fiction and horror genres can be viewed from so many fresh new angles.  Why cheapen it with flimsy scripts that are so trite? It might as well be a video game then!

Will: will you make another movie like “The Pursuit of Happiness”?  Now, that movie had something to say.

Holiday Blues

Break out the egg-nog, tell Uncle Joe to behave himself, and strap on a festive hat…it’s The Holidays.  Or, as they’d say on the tv show, My Name Is Earl: “Feliz Navi-Blah”!  Yeah.  Whoopee.

This season is beginning much the same as the last.  I’ve attributed this feeling of lackluster-ness to the “Been-There-Done-That” routine that accompanies every Holiday past your fifth birthday–because let’s face it: once you’ve already been let in on the joke that Santa Claus is a fictional character created by cruel parents to disenfranchise you over the harsh facts of life, then it’s pretty much a continual downward spiral of disappointment.  Even if you do get that pony and Tonka truck you always wanted, you always know that it came from the blood, sweat and tears of hard-working parents who gave up their quiet nights and weekends just to make sure they could afford that damn thing in the first place.  Then as you approach puberty, the stakes of the game are even higher what with clever merchandising and marketing tools convincing the youth of America that iPods nanos and laptops are a vital necessity; even if it sets your parents back the savings for your college fund.  Lord knows we all need to have Hannah Montana concert tickets and the entire Harry Potter collection (complete with DVD’s, wands and endangered-species white owls).

I guess what really gets my goat is that affected unwritten rule to be “jolly” and “merry”.  All of these overly syrup-heavy sappy sentimentalism comes out on television, radio, and just about everywhere.  No wonder people feel the most depressed during the Holiday season.  It’s almost as if the entire world has decided that this time of year not only are we supposed to be thankful, but we are also required to be sickeningly and maddeningly kind.  Well, I hate to say it but: “Bah humbug!”  If you want to be a good samaritan, you can do it all year round.  Who’d of thunk that one, huh?  What a concept! 

Hence, my addiction to reality television.  Oh it’s way over the top and campy, but I just love to drop by–to see how the other half lives–only to find that it’s just a crappy as the rest of our mundane lives.  Yessir!  Nothing like a little celebreality to get my juices flowin’….(Not a euphemism). And, ewwwwwwwwwwww.  But seriously, when I see that ugly-as-a-butt Miss New York on her show, I Love New York trying to convince a bunch of no-talent idiots that she is the hottest thing since sliced bread?!  That’s just classic.  I’ve nothing against her slutty ways, understand.  I just love a good dose of nonsense to make me feel  better about my life.  At least no one’s spitting at me at the dinner table nor dancing naked on a pole to get my attention.  Except for Uncle Joe who always has too much to drink.  But well, we can control him, right? Right.

Battling The gods of Phlegm

At the turn of the weather, I always have to be wary and guard myself with all of the cold and flu protectorants known to Man.  Of course, I always fall ill just when I think I’m doing the right thing: taking my Vitamin C, wearing extra layers of clothing, and washing my hands a zillion times a day.  Apparently, not even the flu shot was enough to ward off the demonic evils of bronchial goodness that have randomly chosen to pick this holiday season to rear their ugly heads.  Lucky me.  So I did what any girl could do.  I called my doctor and stayed in bed for two days straight hoping that bombarding it with antibiotics and over-the-counter meds would work.  I managed to make it to work and appear fresh as a daisy despite the occasional bouts of hacking up a lung.  Sweet.