Thanks once again to my fave blog, www.jamelah.net! A wonderful, wonderful place to be.
Here was my submission (since I reserve all rights to it, except for the actual photo of Chris Cornell)…so here it is…Enjoy!
So I splurged. So sue me. Thought I’d never *gasp* write again. Having trouble viewing written word on the page only because I am simply inundated with words, words and more words! I am currently swimming in pages of crumpled-up sheets, discarded cans of Red Bull, and half-eaten kung-pao chicken.
First Period (Home Economics):
My saving grace and the object of my adoration-my Muse, Chris Cornell. Like a yummy candy as I make my way through the halls. A Cornell-dog with icing. Hmm…that thought just made me hungry. Wish I had some leftover kung-pao…
Second Period (English):
Why do I genuflect and pray at the Cornell shrine? LOOK AT HIM! C’mon! Perhaps it’s just that like most other girls I like bad boys. They intrigue me with their broody, sexy eyes pensively looking far away at something extremely important and meaningful. Am I right? Those damn blue eyes are like…pools I could drown in. Or is it dive in? I dunno.
Third Period (History):
Chris is like the guy every girl wants to save or the guy she wants to *ahem* screw. Maybe some just want to read his tarot or ask him an insanely in-depth question that would somehow make all of life worthwhile. Odds are, given his uncanny ability to withhold speech for extended periods of time, he wouldn’t have very much to say. (Big letdown after a pilgrimage to get to the top of some Tibetan mountain with a limited amount of food and hiking boots…but, I digress…)
Fourth Period (Spanish):
Chris Cornell es guapo y sincero. Me gusta los ojos azules. Me gusta mucho que guapo eres. Tengo hambre todavía. Mucho hambre. ¿Donde esta el kung pao?
So since we’re swapping notes, thought I’d be creative and write a poem using Cornell’s own lyrics from both Soundgarden and his collaborative effort with Eddie Vedder, “Temple of the Dog”. Why? Because I can! So there.
The Day I Tried To Live (Soundgarden, Temple of the Dog ©)
I wait for you there like a stone
In disguises no one knows
To wash away the rain
Save me, I’m together with your plan, save me!
Looking California and feeling Minnesota
The day I tried to live without you, without you
Stealing bread from the mouths of decadents
But I can’t feed on the powerless when my cup’s already over-filled
And whomsoever I cradled
Alone in the super-unknown
Nothing seems to kill me no matter how hard I try-
Blow up the outside world
Hang my head, drown my fear, till you all just disappear
Will I get it right?
I will pray to the gods and the angels
I wait for you there alone
Will I get it right?Sixth Period (Art):
Shoot! Caught doodling again…I know, I know I will never be “Mrs.” Chris Cornell. But I can always try to play the matchmaker game to see if we’re compatible or the origami fortune teller game. Will he ever love me? Y-E-S. Will he ever marry me? N-O. Will I ever meet him and find a lovely house in the country to live in sin with him? N-O. Lift the flap and you’re worst nightmare has been confirmed: “Try again.” Ugh.
Well, there’s always the hall monitor…On second thought: uh, no.
Shoot! Caught doodling again…I know, I know I will never be “Mrs.” Chris Cornell. But I can always try to play the matchmaker game to see if we’re compatible or the origami fortune teller game. Will he ever love me? Y-E-S. Will he ever marry me? N-O. Will I ever meet him and find a lovely house in the country to live in sin with him? N-O. Lift the flap and you’re worst nightmare has been confirmed: “Try again.” Ugh.Well, there’s always the hall monitor…On second thought: uh, no.Final Period:
Well, enough dawdling and daydreaming for one day. Maybe tomorrow I can immerse myself in another fantasy relationship. Till then, I will bask in the afterglow of Cornell’s beaming, intense gaze. Ah, that’s much, much better!
As a result of much intense gazing at an empty computer screen, this was the result. Thanks to Jamelah for at the very least dropping a line about the pic. Thanks, Jam.
Pimping the Pimp (aka Whore-a-holic):
In answer to a question that Jamelah asked: Yes. Pimping your wares DOES make you a whore, albeit a successful one. Assuming people do purchase what you’re selling and assuming that it gives them *ahem* a bit of satisfaction or euphoria.
That being said, I would like to take this opportunity to ask my bloggy fans out there to read Jamelah’s blog and hopefully buy some of her hand-made jewelry in support of her ever increasing talent.
It’s easy…just go to: My Etsy Store and drop the bucks…c’mon…you know that this is an impulse purchase, but it can potentially do the following:
- Get You Laid – Single Fellas, give this gift to your woman and you’ll be reaping the benefits. TRUST ME.
- Confirm Self-Love – Ladies, you know that you always love getting yourself gifts if for no other reason than to appease yourself. Only you know what you want and you know all of your relatives never had good taste anyway. You’re tired of getting socks from your Uncle Henry because he never knew what you liked. You’ve also had it with grandma’s gifts which were things that she knitted in her sewing circle. Ugh.
- Provide Perfect Bribery – To all the married folks, this’ll be the perfect bribe. You could say things like, “Do you know how much I paid for this?!” Or, “I paid this much, as PROOF of how much I love you…” Followed by a pause and a request for what you want.
- Encourages Your Support for the Arts – I’m not saying to stop making your annual payments to Channel 13. Of course not. But what better way can you celebrate young talent without any effort on your part? This way you can buy something artistic and thereby offer your support without making a phone call or licking an envelope. Let’s face it, some of us just don’t have this type of talent. At all.
- Promote Healthcare – No one is saying that your money to lend a hand to Hurricane Katrina victims wasn’t well spent. But the healthcare system in this country is ridiculous! There is no affordable health care anymore. This jewelry will be your statement. So much cooler than those blase wristbands everyone is sporting nowadays. So maybe it’s not tax-deductible..so what? Drop Jamelah a dime. C’mon, you were gonna spend it anyway…
- Be The Perfect Gift – Holiday Season’s Right Around the Corner so buying one of these lovely items is a no frills way of buying the perfect gift. It’ll takes the thought process out of the way completely and finally please your Aunt M who is always such a pain-in-the-ass to shop for.
- Become A Collector’s Item – When Jamelah finally becomes Queen of the Universe, you will own a one-of-a-kind item that she created! Isn’t that rewarding in itself??
- Supports Tree-Huggers – A lot of the materials that Jamelah uses to create her masterpieces, comes from good ol’ Mother Earth. That’s right, the same Mother that gave birth to all of us. So the least you can do is buy a semi-precious stone necklace or bracelet…Mom would do it for you!
- It’s a Great Conversation Piece – It is not some nameless, faceless piece of jewelry that you bought in some department store. This is your chance to don a beautiful, delicate item that has a story behind it. I’m sure Jamelah will be happy to divulge her inspiration, her dedication, her blog-i-licious-ness
- You’ll Go To Heaven – For just a mere $47, you can take on Jamelah’s cause. And even though it’s a stretch, I want you to follow along with me here… Look, when you buy you’ll know that you’re supporting Jamelah, which will fill you with a sense of accomplishment. And when you die and go to Heaven, God or Allah or Buddha or Shiva or whatever will know how nice this gesture was. You will be rewarded with Eternal Life and live in blissful splendor. Or not. But at least you’ll look cool.
Let us rejoice and unite, all ye peddlers of wares! Dance and sing and be merry! Come forth all of ye and purchase what we’re selling, for what would the world be without its artisans and craftmakers I tell you?! Nowhere, people. So dip in your pockets, dig deep and shop! Go on…