Perfect Perspective

Sometimes it takes just a simple conversation with my sister to gain wonderful insight on the things that are most troubling to me. Eli (aka Julie Winters) just can get me like no one on this planet gets me. In the immortal words of Jerry MacGuire, “[she]…completes me.” “You had me at hello…” Tear.
For those who don’t know her, Eli is very much her own person. She can be brazen and she is always overly opinionated. A true Latina through and through. So when I’m at my weakest, sometimes I need that stiff kick in the ass and Eli always knows just what to say. Things like: “Jerk!” or “Oh, Li, stop complaining about stupid things” or her typical, “Eh, sangana!” (which loosely translated means: ‘Whatever, fool!’) It is like a magical waving of a hand. And although she is younger than me (by three years), she has a wisdom that only hardships could teach. Let’s just say that while I’m ‘book-smart’, Eli is ‘street-smart’.
*Cue Donald Trump Apprentice music*

Last night was no exception. Her phone call gave me the boost I needed to see through another crazy day. Just so you can really know where I’m coming from, here’s an example of the kind of conversation Eli and I can have:

Me – “Eli, I’m kind of bummed out…”
Eli – “Well tune into the NYC Christmas tree lighting ceremony on Channel 4 and you’ll feel better.”
Me – “Oh yeah, I caught a little of the beginning but then I got caught up in doing laundry.”
Eli – [insane laughter] “…Rod Stewart’s on and he CAN’T sing!”
Me – “Rod Stewart’s on?”
Eli – “Now Regis is trying to sing! [laughing again] “This is too funny!”
Me – [mimicking Regis] “Is that your final answer?”
Eli – “Yes.”
Me – [still impersonating] “He’s out of control!”
Pause through laughter
Eli – “Regis has the best job. Stupid Kathy Lee Gifford thought she’d do better by leaving Regis.” Me – “I know, what a mistake, right?”
Eli – “I’ll say! What was the excuse she gave? She was going to pursue her (pause) musical career?”
Me – [impersonating Kathy Lee] “I am hoping to create wonderful sweatshops to sell my crappy clothes back to the children who work for me.”
Eli – [giggling] “…And ride the success of my wonderful children, Cody and…what’s that other kid’s name?”
Me – “Cassidy.”
Eli – “That’s right, Cassidy. Hop-along, Cassidy. What are her kids, cowboys?”
Me – “No. Cowgirls. C’mon!”
Eli – “I know, I know. They are kinda effeminate.”
Me – [sarcastically] “Yeah, El, but they’re extremely talented. When Kathy Lee gave birth to them they must’ve performed a song and dance.”
Eli – “Omigosh! Like the WB frog!”
Me – [singing] “…Hello, my baby, hello my honey…hello my rag-time gaaaaaaaaaaaaallllll!!!!”
Eli – “And proud papa Gifford could’ve caught them in his hands like a true quarterback.”
Me – “24, 13, 55…”
Eli – “HIKE!”
Me – “Another David Caruso.”
Eli – “Oh yeah, he left NYPD Blue playing a cop because his career was gonna take off!”
Me – “It took off alright! All he could ever play was a cop. So now he’s on CSI Miami playing, gee, lemme guess…”
Eli – “A cop!”
Laughter again.
Me – “That reminds me, did you see the Aeon Flux trailers?”
Eli – “Yeah, it really sucks.”
Me – “I know, right? It’s like they glammed up Charlize Theron and they totally missed the political statements and sexual tension between Aeon and that, that guy.”
Eli – “Yeah, the scientists’s name…uh, well…”
Me – “Gosh, this is gonna haunt me.”
Eli – “Well, whatever-his-name is.”
Me – “Yeah and–”
Eli – “It’s like if they were to do the Maxx. I would love to direct that movie.”
Me – “Ooh…”
Eli – “The casting would be easy. I would pick a really flawed girlie-girl. Someone like Sarah Michelle Gellar, only not her.”
Me – “Yeah I know what you mean. How about Britney Murphy?”
Eli – “No, someone more like Kelly Clarkson.”
Me – “Yeah, that’d be a good breakthrough for her.”
Eli – “Better than that ‘From Justin to Kelly’ movie!”
Me – “Definitely, definitely.”
Eli – “Wait! They’re counting down the Christmas lights…five, four, three…”
Me – “Two…”
Eli – “…One…”
Me – “Happy New Year!”
Eli – “I curfew, Becky.”
Me – “I curfew, too, Darlene.”

Phone call with friends? $25 a month.
Phone call from cell phone? $50 a month.
Phone calls with Eli? Priceless.

Thanks, El.


About Lisa Perez

Lisa M. Perez is a published poet, editor, copywriter, public speaker and artist. The co-creator of the first ever ArtSpace in Jersey City, member of IUOMA (International Union of Mail Artists), and administrator for an online Mail Art group, Lisa supports the arts and advocates for creativity. Her successful, Art Journal and "Notes from my Brain" series are ongoing projects that evolve with the artist. In addition to being an active blogger since 2005, Lisa scripts and edits copy for various online articles and videos. In September 2017, she was a guest-speaker and virtually chaired a YOGA Recovery meeting. In her spare time, Lisa studies, reads, and creates while maintaining a day job in a STEM field and being a full-time fur-mommy to her shih-tzu, Cher.
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2 Responses to Perfect Perspective

  1. JulieWinters says:

    First I would like to thank the academy for the cudoes granted me on this davoon blog. Next I would like to give a shout-out to everyone I’ve ever known. Let’s start with the “A’s”. Abby, Adaline, Ahmed, all of the Andersons…(que music, and fade out to commericial).

  2. MeMa13 says:

    Now the B’s…the Boobs, Buttheads, Bloggers, etc.
    Ah, my public how they love me…–>

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