On the way to work this morning (a new, longer commute) I was going over the many objects in my pocket. The reason for this? Checks and balances, mainly. But then I started to think about all of the random, mundane minutae of a person’s, nay, a woman’s life. While Carlos beat himself up yesterday trying to find teflon tape, I was running down a mental list of all of the things I needed to do before work the next day. You see, women generally have the unfortunate reponsibility to not only remember their own lists but that of their family. There’s some sort of unwritten rule that Man, being one-tracked minded, cannot maintain their own facts, figures or the precise location of any of their possessions. As a result, women look after them in addition to their already plentiful listings. What, praytell, are women thinking about? Let me give you a rundown:
- Chores and To Do’s – Only because woman’s work is never done.
- Birthdays – Not only for networking purposes but in case of an emergency when her significant other turns to her with that deer-caught-in-headlights stare and says, “What’s my/the kids’ birthdate, hon?”
- Worries – Not that men do not have worries, but women (being the dutiful multi-taskers that they are) have a tendency to store these worries and allow them to fester long enough to find creative solutions to them. Worries like, ‘How Will We Pay the Bills This Month?’ and ‘How Can I Find A Babysitter in Time for Our Dinner Date?’ among others.
- Is He Happy or Does He Love Me? – Yes, this is an evitable thought when a committed relationship lingers on. Most women fret (See #3) about this just as much as they worry about their own happiness. Thanks to the conflicting reports from women’s magazines citing, “101 Ways to Please Your Man” amid the report about “Taking Time for Yourself”, women are conflicted and the cycle of guilt and shame will remain for a good portion of their lives until they realize that it is not their responsibility to make the other happy. By then, they’re old and bitter.
- Secretarial Work – Why are most women able to remember their hair appointments, schedule regular checkups with the dentist for themselves and their family members and contact their cable companies about account balances? Because women were born to be secretaries. Is there a man that can challenge this notion? Sure, but I haven’t met him yet.
- Your Inner Artist – For women like me, there is an additional friend that shows up uninvited at inappropriate times (and no it isn’t your menstrual cycle, although that little inconvenient buddy can show up and ruin your train of thought, too). No, this is your inner monologue. Inspiration. Your Muse. Every artist has one but women have to manage this beast amid the regularly scheduled chaos of their lives. That can be annoying if you’re hit with a rush of cosmic verbiage when you’re in the middle of other To Do’s (See #1). This welcome rush of ideas and insight sometimes is placed on the back-burner; before it is lost forever, it is best to make sure you plan ahead by carrying something that can store this divine idturned thought turned light-bulb masterpiece. Carry a notepad, a cell phone, a tape recorder to avoid missing it.
- Miscellaneous – This is the category that includes: “that little black dress I want to purchase” and “What is the perfect purse that goes with that pair of new shoes I bought at Macy’s?” Ah, decisions, decisions.
- The Small Stuff – Where did I place my keys? When was the last time I had a checkup? How many miles can I drive before my car needs gas? Did I bring my three forms of ID to change my phone/cable/utilities service? C’mon, if you’re a woman you are required to remember and store just about every bit of information like a computer database. One bit of advice: don’t sweat the small stuff.
- The Fun Stuff – The tabloid lives of celebrities and poking fun at American Idol contestants. It’s great to be critical, especially since it’s NOT you. It also makes for a heapload of useless information like remembering the words to The Flintstones theme song and thinking stupid thoughts like, ‘Where in the world is Brangelina today’?
What is the point of all of this? Well maybe it’s just that I like the lists. Even though I complain, it keeps your mind sharp. It is the lists that save us, the reminder ribbons that bind us. Or, something like that.