Apparently, all you need to get creative is a blizzard. That’s right, folks. Snow makes Man (or Woman for that matter) turn to their most primitive natural instincts to find abstract solutions to their problems. A most beautiful concept. So it is without further ado that I inform you of the nature of my goddess-like ability to adapt to change…quickly.
I know–I haven’t mastered modesty, right? Well, one thing at a time, people!
Before you bask in the glory that is My Mighty Brain, let me first explain (try not to complain)…Hey, I’m a poet and I didn’t know it! Okay, I’ll stop before I drop–but I digress. There was a huge snowstorm now aptly titled, “The Blizzard of 2006” (not to be confused with the Blizzard of ’88). Unbenownst to me, however, was a lovely batch of laundry just a-swinging in the chill winter breeze.
By now your probably thinking:
- What, no Laundromat? – Nosireebob! I am of the belief that those places take advantage of the huddled masses yearning to wear clean clothes. Based on necessity, people haul large sacks of laundry from home to mat, mat to home. I am too spoiled for that. There is also an addiction to nostalgia and doing things the good, ole-fashioned way. And I can’t afford all the quarters. *tee, hee*
- What in the heck were you doin’ laundry in the wintertime fer? – Excellent question. Truth is, I wasn’t. I actually had forgotten them from the last time I did wash and left them on the line. In my own defense, it wasn’t that long ago. Remember those unseasonably warm days for a winter in Jersey? Yup, I took advantage. I guess I’m just that kinda girl.
So here I am reveling in the Christmas-like scenery–large flakes falling on cedars–when all of sudden it hit me. My wash! Oh. My. Gosh. MY WASH! Just then it was as though the sky opened up and everything started to grow dark and ominous. It was as if I were doing everything in slow motion. The world was fading to black… “NOOOOOooooooooo!!!!” I screamed from the rooftops. My legs propelled forward as I made it to the second-floor window overlooking the top of my roof in record time. I could see the remains of my laundry strewn about like bodies of dead Confederate soldiers and wounded Union Army men. Only, decorated with snow on top like icing. Umm…icing…
Light Bulbs Aren’t Just an Edison Invention:
Divine Inspiration came over me as I reflected on what needed to be done here. First, there were clothes and they were stranded on the roof. I was the only one who could save them from their fate. Unfortunately, I am not Plastic Man and can’t reach that far. I also didn’t have any means by which I could physically jump on the roof to rescue the laundry. What to do? I began first by gathering my thoughts enough to invent a solution that would do MacGuyver proud. I needed something long enough to be able to give me the added reach I desired. In this case, the only thing that I had was…a broom handle. It’s good to know that the dang thing finally was put to some good use (albeit not the one that was originally intended). Next, I needed something that could grip. I knew that chewing gum doesn’t work except in Little Rascals episodes. What could I get? After much labored thought, I imagined clothespins. I tried and tried and couldn’t get that to work. What other thing could I use?
When In Doubt, Think of Pasta:
I tried a spatula, another handle–to what I think was a vaccuum extension, and a bunch of nondescript items. Nothing was working. I then had what can only be described in Oprah terminology as an “Aha! moment”. Don’t ask me why I turn to Oprah during these distressing times. I just do. I thought of food. Not just any food, mind you, but pasta. Yes, in order to capture those clever little slippery noodles, you need to get a spoon and a fork. It wasn’t just to get one of those two utensils. It was the understanding that I needed the circular motion–similar to the noodle-spinning–to get a grip on the slippery laundry. What a breakthrough! I know it doesn’t sound like much to you, but when I succeeded in pulling up the articles of clothing piece by piece from off my roof, I felt like the Goddess Queen of the Universe that I am.(Don’t believe me? Goto: http://www.roomwaview.blogspot.com)
This was my Mona Lisa, my Tower of Piza, my triathlon all in one.
Now, bow down and kiss my feet.