Farce:

God has got to have a sense of humor. In two days, I’ve had firsthand examples of how the Lord giveth and taketh away…
It started on the train in to work. I accidentally spilled some coffee on the floor and I was desperate to clean it up. I call out to everybody: “Does anybody have a newspaper handy?” Blank stares from everyone in my car, but luckily (or so I thought), a random guy passed me carrying a newspaper. I was kind and asked him if he could please give me a section of his newspaper that he doesn’t read. I barely looked at the guy in the face when all of a sudden he handed me what appeared to be like a one-sheet insert advertisement. Incredulous at the man’s candor, nay BALLS to hand me something so meager and pathetic, I just looked into his bright blue eyes when he added the kicker: “Well,” he said, “I bought it to read it.” (Aside: Note the snide italicized words to express the intent to make me feel like a tool) This is where the traditional me came in: I had nothing to offer but a meek ‘thank you’ as he walked away in true peacock fashion. I was mortified. But see, I’m just not clever enough to retort upon impact. Instead, I just shyly went about nervously rummaging through my purse to find some more sheets of scrap paper to cover the spill. I’m sure I looked like a frantic mess, but that wasn’t what bothered me. What bothered me was the fact that still two days later, I’m imagining all of the things I could’ve said. You see, God not only blessed us with memory, but total recall. By that I mean that I just couldn’t get the scenario out of my head! I pictured every second from every angle possible. Torturing myself over and over.

Divine Comedy (Story Extracted from actual Journal Entry):
This morning the alarm clock that woke me up, were the dogs. Lady (the fluffy white cloud) clicking her tiny paws on the tiled floor and Bear (the St. Bernard mix) in tow. For some reason, it’s always the little dogs, with their Napoleonic complexes, which make the most noise barking. After struggling a bit with leashing them both, we made it outside. The air was brisk with a hint of summer (though the days were not hot enough to be considered the season). Bear took his usual lead, leaving behind his whining and eagerly replacing it with pulling and tugging. It is always harder to control Bear for that reason, since one’s arms feel on the verge of dislocating. Lady, on the other hand went at a much slower snail-like pace. They meandered around Bear’s favorite corner, parallel to the railroad that was now defunct, and past the window factory. As we turned the block back onto the Boulevard, we passed the house with the overgrown tree branches; the leaves now a deep shade of red. As I bent to avoid getting smacked in the face, I caught sight of a lonely dollar bill waving at me from between the bushes in the front lawn. I never think twice about these things. I immiediately swooped down, retrieved the bill and kept on walking.
Serendipity is what educated people call luck. It is a favorite among scholars and I know because I was one. But I also know about karma which has a way of biting a chunk out of Serendipity every chance it gets.
I had decided on eggs for breakfast, so I grabbed a carton out of the fridge and laid it haphazardly on the edge of the kitchen counter. Just as I reached for the half gallon of milk, BAM!, the whole egg carton fell. I salvaged what I could saying aloud, “I guess we’re having scrambled…” You see, I like God, also have a sense of humor. It wasn’t the best breakfast I ever had, but I understood at that moment, that I was lucky (serendipitous) enough to be eating breakfast at all.
See?!

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About Lisa Perez

Lisa M. Perez is a published poet, editor, copywriter, public speaker and artist. The co-creator of the first ever ArtSpace in Jersey City, member of IUOMA (International Union of Mail Artists), and administrator for an online Mail Art group, Lisa supports the arts and advocates for creativity. Her successful, Art Journal and "Notes from my Brain" series are ongoing projects that evolve with the artist. In addition to being an active blogger since 2005, Lisa scripts and edits copy for various online articles and videos. In September 2017, she was a guest-speaker and virtually chaired a YOGA Recovery meeting. In her spare time, Lisa studies, reads, and creates while maintaining a day job in a STEM field and being a full-time fur-mommy to her shih-tzu, Cher.
This entry was posted in Things That Make Me Go Hmmm..., things that suck. Bookmark the permalink.

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