At the risk of sounding like a complete computer nerd, I will tell you what has kept me away for so long. I really know now that I never want to be parted from my dearest love. Yes, my computer. My dear, loyal wonderfully nerd-fulfilling bundle of typing joy…mwah!
So I’ve been away. Not intentionally, mind you. My dang internet connection just decided to play a little game with me for the past few days and it really left me feeling bereft. Bereft, I tell you! All because of a little driver issue. But only nerds like myself know what the heck that means. Damn you IP addresses! Damn you to hell! Ok, I don’t really always know what the computer terminology really means, but I do try to pretend I do by dropping some dime words that only worker bees acquire. Words like, “port” and “drivers” and “modem”. It all sounds good but it is indeed still Greek to me. At the very least I can get the online technician to understand what the problem is and have him try to address it.
The Blame Game:
It often starts with a simple amber-lit circle on your ISP modem (See? Sounds important, don’t it?). In layman’s terms, it’s the modem that was sent to you by your Internet Service Provider (hence, I-S-P). In my case, it’s a cable-modem, which is the fastest and most wonderful thing to have for a person who gets easily frustrated when the webpage doesn’t load fast enough. Anyone who’s ever had dial-up can truly relate. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, then just picture a faucet. Do you want the water to drip out slowly or do you want a nice steady stream of water? If you opt for the drip, then you must be one. You shouldn’t even be included in this conversation. Jerk.
When I discovered that my modem wasn’t working, then all hell broke loose. The sky began to blacken. The thunder rolled and the lightning struck…eh, there Garth? Well, not literally of course. The melodramatic me just thought that it did. So I called my wonderful ISP and asked them to correct the problem right away. Please. Now. Hurry, hurry, hurry!!! *ahem* Alas, it was not to be. No matter what diagnostic test they ran, the stupid modem would not read my IP address. That’s when the fun really began. Let me explain—You see, when the system isn’t working according to the ISP’s plan, then they have a tendency to play the blame game. Since they are not obligated to repair a computer system that is affecting their hardware (i.e. their “modem”), they will very nonchalantly tell you: “The cable-modem is obviously working on our end sir / ma’am. The problem is your computer. Please contact your manufacturer to get them to repair your system.” It’s almost as if they are saying: ‘So sorry, idiot, but this isn’t our problem…it’s yours now. Bye-bye!’ After speaking with them I was like, huh? and wha–? I felt diseased. I felt like I’d done something terribly, terribly wrong. Truth is this is a common problem. No, really. I shouldn’t take it personally. Neither should you. That’s why I’m passing this bit of knowledge to you to help you avoid this from happening to you. I am a humanitarian, after all.
OK. So where was I?
Oh yeah! The Blame Game. So there I was feeling like a lost puppy. I called my manufacturer who was very kind and walked me through some more diagnostic tests. Ugh! After I got through those though, we’d reached a similar wall. The dang IP address and drivers weren’t being recognized and it was causing shameful messes on my machine. Double-ugh!
In the end it took about a week while I got a specialist (on the ISP side) and a technician (on the manufacturer side) work together to resolve my problem. A few annoying phone calls, a complete system reload and a heck of a lot of inconvenience later, I’m back up and running. Thank goodness for Patience and Perseverance and Persistance. I could think of other wonderful words that start with ‘p’ but, well they don’t pertain to the matter at hand.
You’re Not Going Anywhere:
Ok, computer. Don’t ever leave me like that again, you hear? If I need to install anti-virus software, then I will do so. Don’t punish me like that again. You know I can’t live without you. I love you so much I even wrote a song about our relationship:
You are the sunshine of my life (yeah)
Forever your screensaver will evolve
Don’t ever get no viruses (yeah)
May all your glitches just dissolve
You say that it’s not the beginning
We’ve had some changes since you were new
But I’m not ready to give in
These memories we’ve built are true (woo-hoo!)
So let me tap on your sweet keyboard
Blog on my website day and night
Don’t ever treat me like some user
Who’ll shut you down when you’re not feelin’ right