Some Days I Disappoint Myself

I’d been going on for weeks now about re-emerging into my poetry publicly.  I wanted to market myself as a local artist once again and saw a perfect opportunity to enter into it again by attending something called, The Snow Ball.  Oh, I made all of these plans and when the day came around, I’d betrayed myself and didn’t go.  Why?  Why do I talk myself out of things?  Well, I don’t think that my new stuff is particularly inspired.  However, the irony is that I have to immerse myself into the public–that I often feel ambivalent about–to be newly inspired or to at the very least find new commentary.  I think I’ve grown tired of my own voice.  I’m not the most confident person ever even though I know that my stuff is better than average because I’ve been at it a long time.  The only thing is it good enough to spit out, commit to memory, reveal to the public?  I don’t know.  I don’t think that I could get better just by keeping it to myself, but I don’t want to paint myself into a corner and just present a one-hit wonder.  That in itself would be death to me because I do consider myself a true artist.  But the artistry makes me very shy and almost somber about it all.  I don’t know if I like a personal window-to-the-soul debut, but don’t want to hoard all of it just in case it is good.  Then, I wouldn’t feel all that inspired because it would’ve become too easy. 

So this made me think of a way that I could connect to you silent readers out there, whomever you are.  Humor me.  K-?

About Lisa Perez

Lisa M. Perez is a published poet, editor, copywriter, public speaker and artist. The co-creator of the first ever ArtSpace in Jersey City, member of IUOMA (International Union of Mail Artists), and administrator for an online Mail Art group, Lisa supports the arts and advocates for creativity. Her successful, Art Journal and "Notes from my Brain" series are ongoing projects that evolve with the artist. In addition to being an active blogger since 2005, Lisa scripts and edits copy for various online articles and videos. In September 2017, she was a guest-speaker and virtually chaired a YOGA Recovery meeting. In her spare time, Lisa studies, reads, and creates while maintaining a day job in a STEM field and being a full-time fur-mommy to her shih-tzu, Cher.
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