I have a bad habit of eavesdropping. Most writers do. We are so good at listening that we often forget to actively participate in our own lives, even. But I seriously cannot believe some of the intensely personal conversations that go on. Do these people even realize that at any given moment they could be spied upon revealing the most intimate parts of themselves? Probably not. But if they speak loudly, then they’re just asking for it, I tell myself. It makes me feel better about the whole listening in on their conversation thing. Here are the funny things that I overheard people actually say this week:
- “So I said to my fiance, listen buddy, I’m the boss of you for the rest of your life.” I couldn’t help but think, ‘Oh yeah. That’ll last.
- “Paper cuts hurt!” So does listening to you talk about how much your paper cuts hurt. Ok, next topic.
- “Ugly guys hit on me.” Seriously, I wouldn’t advertise this one unless I am issuing a call to arms to all ugly guys everywhere. Believe me, once they know they keep on coming…Consider it a self-fulfilling prophecy.
- “I’m too cute to be a prostitute!” Uh, I don’t even know how this conversation began. How do you even start up a conversation like this?? To whit: I’m too smart to be a whoremonger. Or, maybe I’m too dangerous to be a stock-car driver. Maybe I’m too dimwitted to be a President??
There you have it. It’s time to place your ears to the doors, turn off your headphones, and listen to what people have to say. It’s its own form of entertainment. You can find out the most witty, oddball, funny, personal information about everyone you eavesdrop on. Then, if you’re smart you can use it as a future form of blackmail. C’mon! Like you wouldn’t…