I know you missed me. I know you did. I rather missed myself too. But trust me, I wasn’t away that long because I wanted to be. In fact, I was tortured to no end because my computer was misbehaving and my creative outlet had been all but shut down. UGH! The worst was that I really had no way to communicate. Yeah, work doesn’t accept any cool websites and I don’t own a laptop or any other device. Since I was Jonesin’ for a blog fix, I took advantage of the only thing I did have available: texting on my pay-as-you-go phone. That made life a little bit more bearable.
I don’t think I really realized just how much we rely on online connectivity these days. Every television commercial, every company, hell EVERYTHING refers you to website that all the cool kids are visiting. I almost had forgotten to put pen to paper–something I swore I would never forget how to do. But trust me, to tune in and get back on the ‘net is seriously the best thing in the world next to…uh…well, next to breathing. There, I said it. As a true die-hard, I was holding out because I do like the old way of doing things: writing out ones thoughts on pretty stationary, taking one’s time to describe a chapter in one’s life. But who has the time?!
Where I’ve Been:
I have literally been going through hell. My life after December 31st has completely changed. First, I have more on my plate and I often hold myself akin to a running motor. The big change occurred after two major events that affected my life: Carlos’ surgery and the death of my dog, Lady. Although I am vainly attempting to remain postitive, it is difficult not to think that my family has run into a bit of bad luck. I know I’m being paranoid. I know that it could be worse. But when I’m changing Carlos’ bandages an hour prior to walking the two dogs in the morning even before I’ve gotten out my outfit I plan to wear for the day, the word ‘hectic’ doesn’t come close.
The reality is that Carlos’ right foot has been desecrated by diabetes. The deformity that remains reminds me of a raw slab of pork meat at the butcher’s. It isn’t pretty and it isn’t funny. It’s sad and gross and I almost passed out when I first saw it. It is a lot to take in. But because of my love for him, I continue to be supportive despite his missing toes: four of them to be exact. Coupled with his depression over the loss, his inability to control his blood sugars, and his mood swings, it can definitely be a lot to handle. But love seems to be conquering all. Good days and really, really bad days.
Then, Lady died. I thought that I would be prepared for her passing. Not the case. I cried like a bawling idiot the day I had to lay her lifeless body in a box. I was surprised at how small she seemed.
Joke’s On Me:
Turns out that people are remarkably resilient. I am often surprised at how quickly I adapted to the big changes in the house. Since this has happened, I feel more confident that I can take on a lot and still manage to…*gasp* survive. Amazing! Despite the drawbacks, there is plenty to celebrate. I still have a job in a troubling economy. My computer is working again! Carlos, Jubillee, Bear and I are still breathing. Life is good.