Not everyone has the means nor the capacity to handle their difficult lives. Many are downtrodden as a result of circumstances beyond their control & from bad choices they’ve made. But God blesses us all, having mercy on all his children & helping to provide outlets in the form of other people, good luck, grace. Whatever the issue, God is present, giving us the strength to carry on…and we do.
I have faith that God’s Will is–and always will be–realized by the resilience of the human spirit and the little miracles that He gifts us with.
Since Pete’s passing, I’ve grown restless. It isn’t something that I can control. It’s a mixture of despair & a need to get things done: to do, say, be everything all at once. I found myself struggling to fill the empty void his passing left behind. I did destructive things to numb it; I did reckless things to feed it; I did a spiritual cleanse to get rid of it. But, I knew I had to stop the spin & through it come out on the other side to find peace. It isn’t over, it’s always just beginning & beginning, over & over again.I had a few scrapes & scares. I’ve learned to forgive myself.
Part of the journey has been in letting go. It sounds so easy to do, but is really, really hard in the doing. I started to pay attention to the messages which were ringing clear to me: God was bestowing grace.
In order to understand the message, I had to understand its literal meaning.
1) Unmerited divine assistance for human regeneration or sanctification
2) A charming trait or characteristic
3) The quality or state of being considerate or thoughtful
4) In Greek mythology – Three sister goddesses who are the givers of charm & beauty
The term “grace” has been presented in various forms throughout my life since Pete died. I used to think that it was a coincidence, a fluke, a glitch in the matrix… although my heart & soul quickly discredited that notion. No; it is a very real thing this idea, this virtue. I can no longer deny it. For now, I collect these instances & hoard them for myself. I may never publicly reveal them. But they will grow as apparent as a smile as the years pass.
Healing is a path. Grace accompanies me on it, passing slowly, as I leave the grief behind…like bad habits.